My Friend Insomnia

About twelve years ago I awoke at straight up three in the morning to the silence of the house. The glow of the street lamp post shone through the bedroom window illuminating the room; providing enough light to walk around without stumping toes or banging into furniture. After numerous tosses and turns, I decided to stop fighting my sleepless night and go ahead and get up. After all, what was a couple of hours prior to the alarm going off anyway? Tossing the bed clothes back I got myself out of bed ensuring not to step on the dog curled up asleep on the rug tossed by the bed. At least one of us could sleep I was thinking. As I entered the kitchen, my wits were still in bed as I stood in the middle of the floor scratching my head contemplating what to do at this time of the morning or was it night? Whichever you want to call it, it was still pitch black outside, other homes were dark, the stars were twinkling bright, the cars on the freeway were almost nonexistent and you could hear the sound of crickets chirping in the yard. It was even too early for the early morning edition of the newspaper to be delivered. As time has gone bye, I have grown to think of it as early morning, not the middle of the night.

Scratching my head must have stimulated my thinking enough to make a pot of coffee which came almost automatically as if I had awoke at my usual time. I grabbed a book feeling assured I would get sleepy and could head back to bed after a cup of hot coffee and a few paragraphs. I put the coffee on to brew and headed for the bookshelf. Reading is something I have been fond of all my life yet never really appreciated my love of it till I meet my friend Insomnia. I scuttled back to the kitchen to capture the fresh aroma of the coffee brewing as I could smell the aroma floating in the air of the small kitchen and breakfast nook. It had never dawned on me how refreshing and full of body the rich; delicious coffee smelled. I have drunk coffee most of my life and till that morning, never experienced the engulfing aroma and the pleasurable sensation my nostrils were breathing in. In the years prior, my coffee making consisted of the unconscious motions of going through the process like a robot yet never experiencing the full essence of what the coffee smelled like.

I poured my coffee and took my usual position on the couch, curled my legs under and cozied into the corner leaning right towards the lamp on the side table; opened the book and began reading all while sipping my coffee. Sip after sip, I could taste the coffee in a manner I had never tasted it before. I could taste the freshness of the coffee beans and analyze the flavor as it swept over my taste buds awakening my mouth to the warm sensation. Had I drank coffee for over thirty years to only now be realizing this delicious flavor and aroma? It is after all, the same brand I have drank from the beginning of my coffee sipping days as a little girl sitting with my Great Grand Mother. Could it be that I had never taken the time to get to know what was inside the coffee cup I had used for the last however many years? Was it only then on that morning that I truly became aware of the full bodied flavor of coffee? Could all of these questions be because of my new friend Insomnia? At that time, I wasn’t even aware I had a new friend much less how much I enjoyed sipping coffee as opposed to gulping it down without benefiting from truly experiencing the taste. I had always looked at it as a drink people drank in the mornings to stimulate the get up and go in them. Not a delicious flavorful experience as I had that morning. Strange things occur in the early morning hours.

By the time my coffee cup needed refilling, I had read a good amount of pages and was beginning to get into the content of the book. It was information I had heard most of my life but never really took the time to explore, till that morning. You see the book my hands gravitated to while standing in front of the book shelf in the wee hours of that morning was the Bible; King James Version of the New and Old Testaments. Closing the book and marking my page, I grabbed my empty cup and advanced towards the kitchen with some questions as to what I had just read. These were only the beginning questions as my quest began that morning for the true God, the truth to my own spirituality and to reclaiming my bond with self, my parents and what family ties I had left. Did my new friend Insomnia have anything to do with this? Years have gone by and I have now read the Bible three times cover to cover and still have questions.

By the time I refilled my coffee cup, my little dog Abby was awake and needed outside to take care of her business. Not knowing what may be lurking in the shadows of the yard, I decided to slip my house slippers on and proceed outside with her. After all, it was dark and I was a protecting mother. The early morning air was warm; the night sky clear of clouds as the neighborhood slumbered quietly tucked away in their perspective beds. As Abby sniffed around the yard and did the thing that dogs do, I sat on the step of the porch my Daddy had built and waited for her. Soon my attention went skyward to the brightness of the stars and the blackness of the background they were shining against. The moon was but a sliver of light in the northern sky almost directly overhead. I had watched the stars and observed the moon over the years but there was something about that morning and the presence I felt internally that had an affect on me. Somehow, I felt more connected and aware of the vast sky filled with so many twinkling lights and the energy emitted from the night sky as I sat outside in the quiet; taking in the beauty of God’s Universe. It was that morning my consciousness began an elevating process of my inner thinking, my inner being, my inner essence of self. It was at that moment, I started becoming aware I was merely a small particle of the grand plan and the world was not all about me. I look back now and can thank my new friend Insomnia for introducing me to this early morning beauty and the pleasure I now seek in meeting my old friend on the porch step most mornings each week.

Abby and I sat on that step for the longest time that morning. Contemplating the thoughts going through my mind and trying to process and make sense of the inner feeling I was experiencing. There was a calming yet awareness as if I had flipped a switch and something started a transformation process. Abby had crawled into my lap and curled up to nap till I was ready to make a move. She was such a little baby.

Upon entering the house, I noticed time had passed rather quickly since I had been awake and the alarm would soon be going off at its preset time of Five a.m. As I walked past my desk, I flipped on the computer as I headed to the bedroom to quiet the alarm that was now buzzing and screeching obnoxious sounds as it blared from one speaker while George Jones sang He Stopped Loving Her Today from the opposite speaker. How appropriate this scene was. For the first time, I was aware that this was the mood, the energies which greeted me on a daily basis and welcomed me to the world. I did not like what I felt with such racket going on. What had happened to the peace and comfort I had experienced only a few minutes before? I liked that feeling and wanted to have it again but for now, I had to precede with my scheduled day filled with meetings, traffic and the usual ya-ya of living and dealing with people in the everyday world. A part of me kicked into robotic mode as I checked email, showered and ventured into the concrete jungle and conducted business as I knew it then. I was hoping the loss of a couple hours of sleep would not affect my performance and clarity that day.

My friend Insomnia happened to pick the one morning of the week I had the longest scheduled day to enter my life. I barely made it home by Seven p.m. with barely enough energy to prepare something to eat, spend some quality time with Abby and check email, snail mail and phone messages. I crawled between the sheets a little before the nine o’clock local news and do not remember falling asleep I was so exhausted. Surely my new friend would not visit two nights in a row.

Again, I awoke at three o’clock in the morning to the same silence, lighting and scene I had the previous night. For whatever reason I woke up, I poohed it off to the natural sensation alerting me my bladder needed empting. I did make note the time was the same as it was the night before yet headed back to the cool crisp sheets I had crawled out from prior to Mother Nature calling. Rubbing my sleepy eyes, I was quickly becoming aware that a part of me wanted to get out of bed and have the same experience with the coffee, the Bible and the early morning sky as I had previously. How silly that would be when I knew I needed to get the other two hours of rest for the usual recommended amount much less try to recoup the two hours sleep I had failed to get the night before. I tossed and turned for about fifteen minutes and decided to stop fighting it. With that, I started the same process I had the previous morning and had the same wonderful experience with a bit added. For you see throughout the years, I have learned to make the most of my time with my new found friend from that morning long ago. Over time, our visits have brought with it an understanding and deeper awareness of what that time represents and how I allow it to affect me. I started listening to my body and paying attention to the natural highs and lows I experienced throughout any given day. I had always known I was a morning person yet never realized how much I cherished the early morning hours. The hours prior to the rest of the country awakening and the buzz of the craziness in full force starts.

With the many nights of sleeplessness throughout the years, I have grown to utilize my time to be constructive and make it work for me rather than against me. Not only do I enjoy every sip of coffee more, I take that time to connect with God, read, sort out my thoughts and sometimes exercise. I have grown to relish my early morning time as my spiritual time. This is the time I talk to God, hand him my problems, and make decisions about the day or my life without outside influences and noise pollution. It is the time of day I am the most creative and full of ideas. The time I want to write stories and letters. It is the time of day I come alive from my core being and connect with my maker. It is as if God awakes me so I can have time for Him without pushing him to the bottom of the list. It is the time of day I feel he walks the earth checking on his children and whispers in their ears their assignments for the day. It is this time of day in which I grow all while discovering, shaping and molding the authentic woman and human being God intended for me to be. Without this daily connection I feel lost and out of sorts. Without time spent with my friend Insomnia, my days are not as centered or full of life and spirit as they are on the days my friend and I share a cup of coffee. Thank you, Insomnia for becoming my friend.